Bite Somebody by Sara Dobie Bauer

Author:Sara Dobie Bauer [Bauer, Sara Dobie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: vampire, new adult romance, comedy, eighties music, contemporary fiction, beach read, eighties movies, fantasy, humorous, parody, satire
Publisher: World Weaver Press
Published: 2016-06-21T06:00:00+00:00

Chapter Fourteen

Imogene had raised an interesting point in the Urgent Care lobby, so Celia decided to enlist the help of her therapist who knew more than Imogene—or at least used fewer cuss words to communicate, which made her sound more intelligent.

Dr. Savage had her perfect brown hair loose around her shoulders that night. It fell in perfect ringlets around her perfect cheekbones. She had turtle shell glasses on, green slacks, and a cream-colored silk shirt. Despite all Celia had with Ian, the way Dr. Savage looked still made her feel bad about herself.

“How are things with Ian?” She sipped what smelled like chamomile tea with a blood chaser.

“I need to talk to you about that.”

“Yes.” Her lips were tinted slightly red. She was alert, awake, glowing—not like their last meeting when she looked unsteady and tired.

“I broke his finger,” Celia said.

“How?”

“In bed.”

“Okay.” Dr. Savage nodded and wrote something down, probably, “What an idiot.”

“You have a human boyfriend, right?”

Dr. Savage looked over her smarty-pants glasses. “You know I don’t discuss my personal life, Celia.”

“Yeah, well, okay, but see, I want to have sex with Ian, but I’m afraid I might break him.” She curled her fingers into knots but didn’t move because she was in no mood for a couch fart. “And he needs to have sex. Soon.”

“What makes you say that, Celia?”

She thought back to the time Ian said he was dating a girl solely for the sex because he needed a “fix.” Then, she thought about how he’d been working a lot, broken pinkie and all. She thought about the way he seemed tense the past couple days—a lot of weird finger-tapping and knee-shaking.

“Celia?”

“Look, I just know he needs to get laid. He deserves to get laid, but what if I break his hip or something? That’s why Imogene said I should turn him.”

“Celia Merkin!” Dr. Savage yelled at her. She actually yelled, and she looked murderous.

“I’m not going to.” Celia shook her head. “It never even occurred to me. I don’t even really know how, and I wouldn’t do that to Ian—unless he asked, I guess.”

Dr. Savage uncrossed and recrossed her legs. “Let’s get something clear.”

Celia nodded.

“Turning a human is much easier than you think, which is why we practice safe blood use.”

“Safe blood use?”

“If a human has been bitten by a vampire in the span of up to two to three days and then ingests the blood of a vampire, that human has a very good chance of turning. If the blood exchange is immediate, there’s no question, but it’s that two-to-three day period that can be dangerous.”

“But I don’t, like, bleed on him.”

Dr. Savage blinked her long lashes at her, slowly. “I’m just trying to make things clear so that you and Ian don’t make a mistake.”

“So you’re not…you’ve never thought about turning your boyfriend?”

“My boyfriend is not relevant to your treatment, Celia, but maybe someday when he reaches my own human age. It’s not necessary, though. I truly believe humans and vampires can have fulfilling and happy relationships.

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